Tuesday, May 26, 2009

This won't bother you nearly as much as it bothers me...

Grammar Girl informed me today that it's alright (edit: upon closer inspection, and to her credit, she said it might be ok, but she is also skeptical) to begin a sentence with the word "for," if by "for" I mean "because." Which means I could say something like this:

I am exhausted. For I have taken my dog on a very long walk.

Does that seem wrong to anyone but me? I mean, really? I could get behind I am exhausted, for I have taken my dog on a very long walk. I just don't think I can take it as two separate sentences. Icky icky yuck.

The whole thing is just making me itchy.

love.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Complaint.

It is perfectly fine with me if the people of Abercrombie & Fitch want to continue to try to asphyxiate their customers. But could we try to keep the toxic fume cloud inside the building? My having to cross to the other side of the street to avoid death-by-cologne is completely unacceptable.

Side note: the word asphyxiate is making me very happy. Yx is the coolest letter combination ever. Are there other yx words floating around out there? I'd like to meet them.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

In The Eye of the Beholder

Note to Rascal Flatts: I understand that, after reading this story, you'll most likely want to write a song about it. I think it's right up your alley. Feel free.

It's been that kind of a day today.

I struggle, sometimes, with the superficiality of my job. It's loads of fun, but in the end I am still expected to close the deal. I've always done well in sales and always felt a little funny about it... I mean, it's not like I'm saving lives. I'm selling dresses. Important dresses, sure, but dresses. I'm working for the man and the empire. I'm not really doing anything all that meaningful.

Today, what I do mattered. Today, I was humbled and smacked upside the head for being short-sighted and cynical. Today was a good day.

You see, we have this dress. It's an old, old dress that's been hanging around the sample sale pile for at least six or seven years. The edges are yellowing and the beadwork looks like it has narrowly survived a natural disaster. The neckline is cut remarkably high, a look that screams 1994 and would make most conservative grandmothers rather happy. There is a giant, cliche, borderline farcical bow that snaps (yes, snaps... biggaudymetal snaps) on just above the badonkadonk. It's not a very pretty picture, this dress in its sorry old plastic bag.

I've been mocking this dress. I've been whining about it, threatening to donate it, and claiming that its presence alone was a threat to our credibility as a retail establishment. I've implied, nay, insisted that it could not possibly serve a purpose on this planet, ever. As you can imagine, I haven't done so subtly. I've been a big jerk to this dress.

Today. Today, the sweetest bride arrives with an army of annoyed looking women who practically vibrate around the store, exchanging unhappy phrases in Japanese. They are skeptical of price, have only so much to spend, have been treated poorly. They are protective of the bride, and they are fierce. Somehow, in the frenzy and the yelling and the buzzing, they emerge with the dress. I cringe, subtly (I do at least that much subtly), and obligingly hang my nemesis in the fitting room.

It isn't until the bride is undressing that I see the scars... the open, new, painfully raw scars that are freckled across her torso and neck. They huddle in with the lumps of small tumors, bruises, and unnatural indentations. The cancer, she says, took her hair... she had beautiful hair. I, for once, have nothing to say.

I know I don't have to tell you how this all went down. You are smarter than me, and you've seen it already. That dress, that ugly, forgotten, embarrassing dress, covered those scars perfectly. It will take work to make it beautiful, but the work will be done, and the beginning is there. She had a thousand dollars to spend, and bought my least favorite dress at $125. It will be rebeaded, restored, refinished, and it will cover her scars. She had been looking for quite awhile for a dress that would make her feel safe and beautiful on her wedding day, and that dress will be the one. She has an impossibly wonderful smile.

There was joy, today. They thanked me, and hugged me, and left happy. I sat in the back room for awhile and let myself cry.

We are short-sighted. We look so often at something, someone, and fail to see the potential through the missing pieces, the stains, the broken parts. We forget that God is in the timing. We forget that He takes broken edges and fits them together like puzzle pieces, creates something beautiful from something tattered, harbors a perfect plan for what we have rejected. Often it is the smallest of things that reminds us. I am reminded today.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I'm not THAT tall...

What I'm laughing about today: the Tall Girl Triple Glance (TGTG), as presented to me by, oh, half of Portland on my walk home this afternoon. I would like to point out that I was only wearing 1" heels, which shouldn't even count. I mean, come on.

For those of you who aren't familiar, the TGTG goes like this:

1) General glance, with a quick look at my face... the height registers.
2) Quick, shameless glance at my shoes to check for some sort of platform... perhaps I'm standing on a box? Nope.
3) Back up to my face, this time with a clearly searching expression that is so very honestly, albeit not very subtly, trying to decide whether or not I'm really a girl. Thankfully, I usually get a smile if I catch them at this point.

Hilarious. I'm not sure why some days are TGTG days... usually, I'm at least wearing a serious heel and topping out at about 6'3".... but today, today I was just little old me, and TGTG they did. Good thing I'm not shy.

Thank you to the man on the bench who actually said to his dog: "Look, honey, that girl is so tall... isn't she lovely?" You, sir, are my hero of the day. And no, I don't play basketball.

love.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Good all the time...

a.m.

today the world accosts from all sides
the man on the bicycle wobbles only once
before
offering me his finger and going darkly on his way
the rain begins
and silly me, i have again forgotten
to change the blades on my windshield wipers
i drive with soggy vision
the streets are treacherous
and the radio politely refuses to play

i wear Your love like a merit badge

like armor

like skin

Friday, April 24, 2009

A Letter to Sophie

Dear Muffin -

I want you to know I appreciate how you tried to be a good little girl and get here before your Auntie Karyn leaves for vacation. I thank you for the effort, despite the fact that it seems I'll miss you by just a day or so. I'll let you slide this time - you're new yet.

So I'm probably not going to be around to meet you right away, but perhaps your mommy will be awake in the middle of the night sometime while I'm gone (you may have something to do with that) and she'll stumble on this blog if she happens to tear her eyes away from you for a minute or two, and she'll let you know how very much I'm looking forward to seeing your pretty face.

Your mommy is a pretty special lady. I haven't even known her that long, but she has been a rock and a sounding board for me over the course of our short friendship, and I'm so grateful for her. She'll be a rock and a sounding board for you too, I'm sure. I know how much she has anticipated you - you are already so hugely loved, and you're a very lucky little girl. If you're smart, and I know you will be, you'll want to grow up to be the sort of gracious and Godly woman that your mommy is - truth be told, when I grow up, I hope to be a little bit like her too.

I'm praying for you tonight. According to my cell phone, you've been not-so-subtly hinting that the time is coming. Maybe I'll get a text in a few hours to come see you, but it's more likely you'll take your time, as well you should. I hope your journey here is as painless as possible for you (mommy too, for that matter) and I wish I could be there to see you.

I'll be in a place called Mexico, drinking some things called Margaritas (you'll learn about that much, much later). I'll bring you some more cute clothes (which I know you desperately need ;) ) and a margarita for your mommy (which I know she'll desperately need*) and I'll see you when I get back.

Godspeed, little Muffin. See you soon.

*a virgin margarita, of course, what with breast feeding and all. No infants will become intoxicated as a result of the delivery of the margarita.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I am from...

I've been falling in love with these on everyone's blog, and finally had to write my own. Should you like to follow (and I hope you will), the template is here: I Am From


I am from neighborhood rides in the red wagon, from My Little Pony and donuts hung from trees.

I am from the house just after the "Stop Ahead" sign, the screened porch and the squeaky swing in the yard on lazy summer days.

I am from transplanted palm trees and the holes they leave behind, the raw and urgent smell of ginko and the peach tree that only sometimes was.

I am from Pooh Sticks under bridges, from yell-to-be-heard family dinners, from Peters and Serfaces and Isabella Glockenspiel, from Verle and Lorraine.

I am from exploring the possibilities of the imagination, from a world where love accomplished and allowed belief time and time again. I am from the callouses on my father's left fingers, from Nipper and Napper and my mother's sewing machine.

I am from seagulls who know my name, from static electricity, and from The Collected Works of William Shakespeare.

I am from the church that raised me, from Sunday night potlucks and retreats in October. I'm from the pews I crawled under, the terrifying height of the baptistery, the choir room. I am from my Precious Moments Bible with my name in gold letters, the cross my father bought me and the one he made me keep, from Christmas Eve candlelight services and footy pajamas.

I am from Grandma's Spaghetti and the defense of Slop, from the bullet holes in the walls of Chicago and the beaches of Morro Bay. I am from a newlywed's hideaway in Seattle and from the house my mother grew up in.

I am from the boy and girl who met in the marching band, from a poorly-planned teenage spying episode, a parking lot engagement, and a blue tuxedo shirt. I am from Sabrina and Bear.

I am from walks with my grandfather. I am from the two who read each other to sleep every night.

I am from the hill with the tire swing, from wide open spaces, the Angel Garden, and my parents attic. I am from the faintest whiff of eucalyptus, from suspended moments of beauty, from a hint of chlorine.

I am grateful always.

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